As those of you that follow that ARTFAG on the twitter with your fancy iPhones already know, there was trouble in the Art Fag City with stinky puppy farts. Probably because she feeds it some kind of holistic organic vegetarian dog food like this from Whole Foods or Fresh Direct because she hates America and real Americans, like Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber, who shop at Stop & Shop or A&P and feed their dogs Puppy Chow or field dressed moose meat. Anyway, your editor has a problem with farts too, his own, which is why he is up at the butt crack of dawn polluting you with this nefarious odor instead of hibernating like a normal person on the longest night of the year.  Please tell him to stop eating those Turkish figs before he goes to sleep.

ALRIGHTY THEN, and what does this have to do with anything, you might be asking if you haven’t bought THE BOOK, because some evil guy named Madoff or Lehman stole all you dollarses, and so you cancelled chanukah and christmas because that’s what Jesus would do! Well, if you had bought THE BOOK you would know that Paul Gauguin in his Notes on Colour had this to say on the very same topic of flatulence…

And as easily as you let out a fart in order to get rid of someone who’s a pain in the neck, Cezanne says, with his accent from the Midi: ‘A kilo of green is greener than half a kilo.’ Everyone laughs: he’s crazy! The craziest person is not the one you think. His words have a meaning other than their literal meaning, and why should he explain their rational meaning to people who laugh? That would be casting pearls before swine.