Because your editor doesn’t have a life and has nothing better to do on a Saturday night than to go see Keanu Reeves play the alien robot saviour of the world….

…..again……………………..for like the bazillionth time, because he obviously thinks he’s jesus and why doesn’t he just remake The Last Temptation of Christ already, because we all know that he would be much more convincing macking with the deciples in the garden (because jesus was gay of course) than he was macking Trinity in the Matrix II because that was soooo convincing. And what was my point…..

Oh yeah, because your editor has no life I came home from this stupid movie and was wondering what those french theorists who hate everything fun, including Disneyland, I mean why can’t Baudrillard just go to Disneyland, go on the rides and get felt up by Mickey Goofy and Donald like everyone else and go home with a smile on his face like a good little boy?

Instead he’s got to go and say mean things about how he hates America and Americans

Like,

Disneyland is a perfect model of all the entangled orders of simulation….

And,

Disneyland is presented as imaginary in order to make us believe that the rest is real, when in fact all of Los Angeles and America surrounding it are no longer real, but of the order of the hperreal and of simulation.

And,

The Disneyland imaginary is neither true nor false: it is a deterrence machine set up in order to rejuvenate in reverse the fiction of the real. Whence the debility, the infantile degeneration of this imaginary…particularly among those adults who go there to act the child in order to foster illusions of their real childishness…made up of childhood signals and faked phantasms.

I mean come on who hasn’t faked a phantasm before? Well, probably not that guy in the background whose about to have a phantasm in his pants, but…Why does Baudrillard hate sex and America so much?

And where was I again… oh yeah, french theorists who hate everything fun… well except for that Foucault guy, who liked to ride a pendulum and wrote about sex and pleasure and discipline and punishment…because he was like a big queen and totally into s&m

And what does this have to do with colour?¿?

Oh, yeah, so anyway I came back from the Day the Earth Stood Still and like a normal person I was like “Ok, what could Baudrillard possibly have to say about colour?” So here it is (and buy that Colours book already),

The world of colours is opposed to the world of values, and the ‘chic’ invariably implies the elimination of appearences in favour of being: black, white, grey – whatever registers zero on the colour scale – is correspondingly paradigmatic of dignity, repression and moral standing.

See I knew he hated colour, he’s like a pilgrim or something…which didn’t they get thrown out of England because they hated sex and didn’t want the king to have lots of wives and lots of sex.

…freedom and the absence of responsibilities are thus inscribed both in colours and in the transitory and insignificant character of materials and forms…

Duh, which is why the gays own the rainbow, and the wizard of oz, and why all those evil pilgrims (and the mormons too, who actually like to have sex, just unfortunately without protection, so they always have like a bazillion kids), want to punish the gays in California with their nasty Proposition 8, because they hate freedom, which makes them the same as Al Qaeda, because as George Bush tells us “Al Qaeda hates freedom.”

AND NON OF THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH PAINTING! but it was fun for me anyway, because I have no life, and my partner’s on the other side of the world for five week, so i’m in front of my computer instead of in front of the teevee watching 48 Hours or Without a Trace, or whatever it is they have on CBS on Sunday nights as filler between the commercials for viagra.